I can't help but have High Hopes

Something is keeping me here. The backseat, cold outside air, permeating my little sanctuary. The only privacy I can find in a season like this and it makes me anxious to return to my little apartment where at the very least I dictated my own comings and goings. Something is keeping me here. Inside is a warm room, warm bed, promising dreams. Dreams haven't been good ones lately. I'm enjoying the way my mind mulls over its issues, bathes these thoughts in the quiet contemplation they deserve. Sleeping used to be my favorite part of the day. Sleeping was a relief, an escape from the day and the life I had built for myself. There goes my life.

The vicious countdown, till I see you again. I wonder if things will have changed. I wish I felt I had something new and exciting to tell you. In fact, I think I have plenty to tell you, like how I'm reading a new book, and how I had the worst soup I've ever tasted today. About my endless string of new years resolutions, and about how I'm trying to find the words to write essays to get out of here. And about how I seem to be destroying one of my most cherished relationships, and how for once in my life I can't find the energy to even entertain the thought of finding all the right words to keep it together. I'm being passive, and it's probably not a good sign. I'm being passive with my life, and it may mean I need a new one. A new focus.

Mostly, I think I need a few words from you, a few laughs, and a few great kisses to start and finish my day. I think we could keep it together, together.