Tuesday, February 26, 2013

To act in love

Misty, grey morning. I pull myself from a dream as unpleasant as the reality to which I wake. I set out, not ten steps, before I deem this day unworthy, the sinking feeling in my chest a match step for step for skies on the brink of collapse...tumult, mouth open wide, seconds before the wail. I inhale, trying to find relief in this humid blanket. Runners running. Boys and girls walk in time with each other, fingers laced, absorbing each other and buzzing, melding together into single units. I look, silent and detached, accepting what I cannot control, succumbing to routine. I only wish to act in love. 
Pup's always so excited for the day, I could learn a little from his exuberance. He expects only the best from me, and forgives the worst. He never fails to hold the bar high even when I fail to measure up. Its that kind of love I want you to know, that kind of engulfing patience and sweetness that I cannot abandon, I wish to show to you. Each day, you fail to measure up, but I wake up every morning expecting things to be different, anticipating only the best, forgiving yesterday.
Familiar pressure, a tightness in my chest. I know how this goes. Why I hang on? Belief, faith, because I know no other way. I will always hope for you, I will always shelter you. No matter which direction you take, no matter where you plan to go, I will only show you love and hold you fondly in the recesses of my mind. I will always be grateful that you opened up the world a little wider for me, so that I could share your space and come to know what you know. Palm outstretched, if you want to fly, then fly. I won't keep you from where you need to go. It's not in my nature.