Saturday, February 26, 2011
Its funny how life only plays one way, but our brains come with a full set of controls: stop, fast forward, rewind. It's almost like having a million second chances, to relive an event in the most effective, optimal fashion. Karate chop! The reasons are many: the perfect comeback, to keep from saying that, to keep from doing that...If I could just go back and fix it, if i could just...if I could....if if if.
If I could just go back, and be what you deserved.
You called me a hollow shell of a person, demure and docile, I'm never looking for a fight...She sells seashells...I know what you want, a strong woman, a spit fire. Someone who doesn't need you. You won't hold my hand and walk me through life. You can't bring me home, I can't bring you home...by the seashore...I slur my words with what I've done to myself. Damage Case. It's not your job to pick up the pieces, if you're going to do it, you'll find a reason. There are many reasons.
I'm beautiful, your beautiful, we're all fucking beautiful. Perfectly flawed. Save yourself. If you can be what I need then become it. Look whose trying to change me. Not for you, for me. Hollow shell, fight back, fight back, fight back! You want a reaction, you want a flame...you want a starting place. Who knew rationality was a sin. I hit the "skip" button in life, pass over the mushroom cloud and pick up at the glorious finale.
I got the message, sealed with a kiss, goodbye goodbye, until next time young chap.
Thoughts. The everliving flood of them. Inbox, outbox, inbox, outbox. A ten car pile up in my head. Alone at last. Down the hatch, wash off the day, wash them down. Better. Fragment. Hollow shell.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
I got a call from SeaWorld today, asking me questions about my internship application! I have a phone interview for next Monday :) Maybe I'll be in Orlando this summer. Thailand or SeaWorld, not bad options so far!
I finally got my car fixed, by AAA no less. The guy who came was cool though, turns out he recently moved from Panama City Beach where he worked for Budweiser...not a bad gig in my opinion, but I asked why he left and apparently they have a new baby, and, well, that makes sense. I wouldn't raise a baby in PC thats for sure.
So anyway, Lisa and I went shopping in Decatur on Sunday (and by shopping I mean wasting time in multiple stores without so much as making a purchase), which was relaxing after the pseudo-intervention I got from my roommates yesterday morning. Apparently I don't study and I sleep too much and I'm depressed. Go figure. I am really tired of other people's opinions on the way I live my life, it's Monday and I've already had a bit too much of that for the rest of the week. This always seems to happen with roommates, and I guess its nice that they care and blah blah blah but it makes me feel like they are watching me, and I don't like that feeling of nor being completely comfortable. I need to live with someone exactly like me or worse.
Friday, February 18, 2011
I'm sitting in the Conference Center Hotel, the long awaited "Fetal Programming" talk continues on, David Barker's pleasantly British voice slips out of the slightly open door. MD, PhD, FRS. I'm jealous of his title. It's long and intimidating but says nothing of his soft presence nor the comfortable tones of his voice. I want to lie down and have him read James and the Giant Peach to me until I fall asleep.
The best part of this conference is the fact that there's a snack area I've been taking full advantage of these last two days. A plethora of Stacy's Naked Pita Chips and whatever aesthetically pleasing fruit item I can fit into my purse are at my mercy. All of a sudden a crowd of chattering cacophony of voices fills the hall, ricocheting off the high ceilings and empty walls of the hallway and encroaching upon the indistinct expanse of wall space I have claimed as my own for the next few hours. How rude. I sit staring in the direction of the noise with my mouth open, shocked at the nerve of some people. Just a skinny white girl, torn from the pages of a J Crew catalog, an apparent look of disdain upon her face, un-accepting of the social conduct violation that ensues. The only word that comes to mind is boorish. Mmm. My disapproving murmur.
I realize that part of me is growing accustom to the perks of social class. It's unnerving, more so in that I know I can only leach the benefits for so much longer before I'm tossed out again, back where I belong. Parasite.
Begging you to stay when you say you need to go. What a liar you are. But I just don't want to be alone, the rest has nothing to do with you. I am selfish for this fact, no better than you. Arrest, my fleeting entertainment. Do not seek to understand what you cannot accept. It's you I do not understand, but try so hard to accept.
The only great feat I ever achieved was latching on in the first place. Disguised as something beautiful and good, as you unsuspectingly ingested me, faithful and believing. And I, now inside, latch my wormy talons into your gut, steal your nutrients and thrive.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
There's a running theme in my apartment: smoking. It's thirty degrees outside but the balcony door is usually open, and the flavor of the day is something akin to roasted marshmallows. Slowly the smokers have crept from the balcony itself to just a few feet inside the door, and then to the couch, curls of smoke lazily diffusing into the swirling vortex of cold outside our toasty haven. Air it out my friends. The truth is, I have no problem with this smoking area, nor with the stream of visitors to which it provides a host. Perhaps it's the comfort of sociality, the "unjudgement" of our hazy atmosphere that speaks to my soul, the steady ins and outs of breathing are indiscernible from highs and lows of life. Glamorize. I understand the vice.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
photo credits: fleur avenue, the eles are mine :)Somehow, things always seem to look up for me when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Josh, the totally awesome grad student I did research with last year on elephant MSR, just proposed/offered to have me come to Thailand this summer to work with him! That would be completely amazing! Hopefully this pans out, but I'm already excited! Let my life begin, please!
This is a motivating factor in my life. I think I might study.
Friday, February 11, 2011
So Here's what I'm on the searching for:
-anything white/cream delicate and lacy
- white crochet shorts
- loose tops and teeny bright, flashy shorts (think sparkles!)
-chunky, earthy jewelery
- the perfect hat
-light wash skinnies
Want to know something awesome? It's Friday! and I have plans with Lisa Fulchino. So no, life could not look more promising.
I can't wait for summer, heat, bikini weather, and the lovelies that go with it. But for now, I suppose I can enjoy the gorgeous cloudless afternoon, and the fact that, when walking in the sun, I almost, almost feel its warmth :)
Something like a good dream...but maybe the box should remain closed.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
credits: Lissy Laricchia, Little Bits and Blogs
So Jackson Fine Art is hosting a Todd Selby exhibit, and I really, reaallyy want to go. Because The Selby is completely awesome. Someone come with me?
It rained walking home from work. I had no umbrella. I became wet. Unhappy face.
So Chelsea and I were coming back from dinner at the SAAC, and when we got on the elevator, there was a girl sitting in a chair in the corner, studying. Odd. She said it helps her concentrate. I wonder how thats going to work out for her in the future. Maybe she'll do her best work during airplane flights to distant lands, or perhaps she'll have an epiphany on a roller coaster. Her favorite playground toy was probably the merry-go-round. Emory has very, very wierd people.
Oh, something else to check out: Lissy Laricchia. Go.
I am bursting at the seams with inspiration today.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Today was the craftiest day I've had in a while. Weekends are nice that way I suppose, Sundays especially foster my mood to clean and revamp my space. I painted and took some pictures today, and I might carry my camera around with me sometime this week to finish off a role of film I am using. So I have a tendency to save all my glass jars, and today I painted the lids pink and wrote "Sugar, Flour, Rice, and Pasta" on them and filled them with their respective items. Except I have no rice. Or pasta. So those are empty. I need to go to the store, but I don't have a functioning car...So it was sautéed vegetables for dinner tonight. Ahh yum. The week will be interesting to say the least as far as food goes. Probably not any more significant than a usual week in other respects. I'm loving "Dry" by Augusten Burroughs, but thats to be expected as well, because, lets face it, he's hilarious and awesome. Read "Magical Thinking," which is another one of my favorites by him.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
So last night I had a photoshoot with Zach Ramsey, which was fun as per usual. I always forget how much I like being in front of the camera until I'm right there again. I'm really excited for the final images. Here is one from Miss B's camera phone!
Basically the entire venture was a pain in the butt until I actually got there. My car battery died and I waited an hour for Emory Police to give me a jump-to no avail. I felt awful being late, but they came and picked me up which was amazing! I hope everyone had fun.
Plus, I got some good feedback--yay!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Muesday: the run-on space that connects Monday to Tuesday. An insignificant passing of time that does not obey the laws of homework, real work, and responsibility, and really just tries to make my life more difficult. The good news is, time passes quickly when your in a hurry to get some sleep but have to finish an assignment first. Turns out, its already morning and you might as well get ready for work. Sleep Fail.