It might be strange how much I'm beginning to want this. My fleeting desire, transformed into reality. I'm breathing it, all of it, till I'm forced to stop. Some will call it vanity, but it might be the first thing I've willingly, urgently even, practiced on my own. The glances in the mirror are shapes, angles, a perfect expression to add to the go to repertoire. I want, WANT to be better. Better than me. Slowly but surely, I am learning what I have to offer and how to deliver it, and it's exciting to gain strides in a way I feel I haven't been able to in academics. The improvement is addicting, the praise, the people, the well wishes and the hype. It's not hard to lose sight of the prize.
So onward, to the third phase of my travels, perhaps the most difficult and busy of them all. With any luck, I will be able to come out of all this a step forward and with a wealth of experience under my belt, and it's truly by the skin of my teeth if I do get out of it. But what's living if your not on the edge, eh? Maybe some day I'll look back and know that the chance I took has led me somewhere great. Who knows. But the truth is, I want desperately to be right about all this. So desperately that I may be running on empty. I honestly feel it may be the first thing I've attempted completely on my own, and everything I've invested in in will come back to me. In a way, it's my strike for independence and success, and I am just not ready to step back and accept failure, accept the averageness of my existence. My plan is far fetched. It's unrealistic. It's downright stupid at times, but what great idea didn't have a few speculators. What gifted mind faced no haters. Remember, I am my greatest critic, and I am the one with the most on the line. Don't think that I'd give it all up without a second thought. If you don't understand the reason, simply accept that there must be one great enough for all this. And here's to that. Cheers. Tampa bound. Adrenaline, up.
Up, up, and away.
